K,
Seriously, stop messaging me with hints of wanting to catch-up because it's very hard for me....
Really hard....
... to stop myself from asking if you've already grown a spine. When you finally do, then just go ahead and ask me out. Do not hint or try to take my temperature on this....
Because I actually have the spine to say yes or no straight away.
K
Friday, September 25, 2009
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Are we there yet?
5 years in the making....
The One started chatting me up again, saying that he "has dealt with his demons and proposing we "catch up and figure the other stuff as we go..", wants to meet up.
I've compartmentalized him so well that I don't even know how to begin.
So here goes nothing....
I'm doing this to find out where it leads to.. an end or a beginning.
Wish me luck.
The One started chatting me up again, saying that he "has dealt with his demons and proposing we "catch up and figure the other stuff as we go..", wants to meet up.
I've compartmentalized him so well that I don't even know how to begin.
So here goes nothing....
I'm doing this to find out where it leads to.. an end or a beginning.
Wish me luck.
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Teka teka
Writing this one down because, amidst being truly sad about a break-up, I think this nugget will someday make me laugh…
After agreeing to have a short break to think things through, K and I decided it was time to have THE talk. Of course, I already knew what he will tell me and was well prepared with my well sharpened responses. I knew he wanted to break-up with me in a way that was patronizing and agonizingly immature. I knew this. I was prepared. He was going to suffer….
I told myself that I deserved a decent break-up scene that will test the fine line between cool and composed complete with subtle dramatics that will make anyone unprepared cling on to their wits…. I’ve had 8 more years experience so I knew this 26-year-old will struggle…. And I won’t even offer a lifeline…
Leche-ka! I-wanna-see-you-squirm-through-this-ordeal was the theme of the evening. I was well primed and ready. Game on, boyfriend!
Need I say more? I was angry.
So we had dinner at a place he introduced to me and drinks at a bar I will likely never go again… perfect. I was very formal all throughout. Showing the least bit of interest at how he was and knowing very well that this egotistic youngster needed to feel like the sun shone from his wazoo. Not tonight dear, this break-up evening was to be all about me, how he made me feel, and how disappointed I was.
So, with much discomfort, he started the talk. Then his obviously well-rehearsed decision came out…”It’s not a ‘No’ but maybe not now dot dot dot” followed with, “Maybe we can be friends for now and see if things progress into something deeper later on…” Verbatim yan. I have a freakish way of remembering things….
So I said, “Ok…. Friendship is nice but you’re working under the assumption that friendship was even an option. I never said it was. We will hardly ever see each other and you will almost never hear from me because our lives are different.... Plus, I can't handle it. So, this friendship that you are talking about, is not likely to happen...”
Then he said “Ok...maybe not now...but we can be friends later on, right?”
Eto na… I said, “We never had time to be friends. We started dating immediately and progressed from there… We only met-up once a week and most of the time, we weren’t really talking… so I have no idea how you can possibly think, that in that brief amount of time that you deemed was good enough for me, we actually had something to build a friendship upon… I fooled myself to thinking that it was more but, let’s face the fact that we were just weekend hook-ups. Because of this break, I see things clearly now and have a lot of things in perspective... So if you’re telling me you want us to be friends, based on how we were, I only see us as f!@# buddies….Nothing more!...I care about my friends and I make an effort to have relations with them. I cannot say the same for you now after everything that has happened between the two of us… So it's a 'No' and 'No, thanks' for me...”
Then he started crying.
Huwhat?!?
Note to self. Prepare to comfort the person that hurt you the most. No matter how your heart is breaking... Seeing that person cry does not make things any better.
So there I was. In a sad bar that I hope to never set foot in ever again, trying to make him feel better for carelessly breaking my heart.
I'm still sad now… but you have to agree that this night was a bit surreal. Even for me.
Cue-in canned laughter… any minute now…
After agreeing to have a short break to think things through, K and I decided it was time to have THE talk. Of course, I already knew what he will tell me and was well prepared with my well sharpened responses. I knew he wanted to break-up with me in a way that was patronizing and agonizingly immature. I knew this. I was prepared. He was going to suffer….
I told myself that I deserved a decent break-up scene that will test the fine line between cool and composed complete with subtle dramatics that will make anyone unprepared cling on to their wits…. I’ve had 8 more years experience so I knew this 26-year-old will struggle…. And I won’t even offer a lifeline…
Leche-ka! I-wanna-see-you-squirm-through-this-ordeal was the theme of the evening. I was well primed and ready. Game on, boyfriend!
Need I say more? I was angry.
So we had dinner at a place he introduced to me and drinks at a bar I will likely never go again… perfect. I was very formal all throughout. Showing the least bit of interest at how he was and knowing very well that this egotistic youngster needed to feel like the sun shone from his wazoo. Not tonight dear, this break-up evening was to be all about me, how he made me feel, and how disappointed I was.
So, with much discomfort, he started the talk. Then his obviously well-rehearsed decision came out…”It’s not a ‘No’ but maybe not now dot dot dot” followed with, “Maybe we can be friends for now and see if things progress into something deeper later on…” Verbatim yan. I have a freakish way of remembering things….
So I said, “Ok…. Friendship is nice but you’re working under the assumption that friendship was even an option. I never said it was. We will hardly ever see each other and you will almost never hear from me because our lives are different.... Plus, I can't handle it. So, this friendship that you are talking about, is not likely to happen...”
Then he said “Ok...maybe not now...but we can be friends later on, right?”
Eto na… I said, “We never had time to be friends. We started dating immediately and progressed from there… We only met-up once a week and most of the time, we weren’t really talking… so I have no idea how you can possibly think, that in that brief amount of time that you deemed was good enough for me, we actually had something to build a friendship upon… I fooled myself to thinking that it was more but, let’s face the fact that we were just weekend hook-ups. Because of this break, I see things clearly now and have a lot of things in perspective... So if you’re telling me you want us to be friends, based on how we were, I only see us as f!@# buddies….Nothing more!...I care about my friends and I make an effort to have relations with them. I cannot say the same for you now after everything that has happened between the two of us… So it's a 'No' and 'No, thanks' for me...”
Then he started crying.
Huwhat?!?
Note to self. Prepare to comfort the person that hurt you the most. No matter how your heart is breaking... Seeing that person cry does not make things any better.
So there I was. In a sad bar that I hope to never set foot in ever again, trying to make him feel better for carelessly breaking my heart.
I'm still sad now… but you have to agree that this night was a bit surreal. Even for me.
Cue-in canned laughter… any minute now…
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