Don't Drink and Text

At 2 o'clock in the morning, the phone beeps... an sms came in... from an unknown number.

"Hey K, in bkk now... I'm drunk..I wanna tell you sth...I miss you."

The groggy recipient didn't need to wonder who it was from. Sth was the giveaway.

He pressed Delete then slept back.

There were pretty good reasons why the sender's number was deleted from his phonebook. One of which is to prevent sober thoughts from becoming drunken texts to ghosts of exes past.

Mrs Dy, Ang Labo Mo

K,

Seriously, stop messaging me with hints of wanting to catch-up because it's very hard for me....

Really hard....

... to stop myself from asking if you've already grown a spine. When you finally do, then just go ahead and ask me out. Do not hint or try to take my temperature on this....

Because I actually have the spine to say yes or no straight away.

K

Are we there yet?

5 years in the making....

The One started chatting me up again, saying that he "has dealt with his demons and proposing we "catch up and figure the other stuff as we go..", wants to meet up.

I've compartmentalized him so well that I don't even know how to begin.

So here goes nothing....

I'm doing this to find out where it leads to.. an end or a beginning.

Wish me luck.

Teka teka

Writing this one down because, amidst being truly sad about a break-up, I think this nugget will someday make me laugh…

After agreeing to have a short break to think things through, K and I decided it was time to have THE talk. Of course, I already knew what he will tell me and was well prepared with my well sharpened responses. I knew he wanted to break-up with me in a way that was patronizing and agonizingly immature. I knew this. I was prepared. He was going to suffer….

I told myself that I deserved a decent break-up scene that will test the fine line between cool and composed complete with subtle dramatics that will make anyone unprepared cling on to their wits…. I’ve had 8 more years experience so I knew this 26-year-old will struggle…. And I won’t even offer a lifeline…

Leche-ka! I-wanna-see-you-squirm-through-this-ordeal was the theme of the evening. I was well primed and ready. Game on, boyfriend!

Need I say more? I was angry.

So we had dinner at a place he introduced to me and drinks at a bar I will likely never go again… perfect. I was very formal all throughout. Showing the least bit of interest at how he was and knowing very well that this egotistic youngster needed to feel like the sun shone from his wazoo. Not tonight dear, this break-up evening was to be all about me, how he made me feel, and how disappointed I was.

So, with much discomfort, he started the talk. Then his obviously well-rehearsed decision came out…”It’s not a ‘No’ but maybe not now dot dot dot” followed with, “Maybe we can be friends for now and see if things progress into something deeper later on…” Verbatim yan. I have a freakish way of remembering things….

So I said, “Ok…. Friendship is nice but you’re working under the assumption that friendship was even an option. I never said it was. We will hardly ever see each other and you will almost never hear from me because our lives are different.... Plus, I can't handle it. So, this friendship that you are talking about, is not likely to happen...”

Then he said “Ok...maybe not now...but we can be friends later on, right?”

Eto na… I said, “We never had time to be friends. We started dating immediately and progressed from there… We only met-up once a week and most of the time, we weren’t really talking… so I have no idea how you can possibly think, that in that brief amount of time that you deemed was good enough for me, we actually had something to build a friendship upon… I fooled myself to thinking that it was more but, let’s face the fact that we were just weekend hook-ups. Because of this break, I see things clearly now and have a lot of things in perspective... So if you’re telling me you want us to be friends, based on how we were, I only see us as f!@# buddies….Nothing more!...I care about my friends and I make an effort to have relations with them. I cannot say the same for you now after everything that has happened between the two of us… So it's a 'No' and 'No, thanks' for me...”

Then he started crying.

Huwhat?!?

Note to self. Prepare to comfort the person that hurt you the most. No matter how your heart is breaking... Seeing that person cry does not make things any better.

So there I was. In a sad bar that I hope to never set foot in ever again, trying to make him feel better for carelessly breaking my heart.

I'm still sad now… but you have to agree that this night was a bit surreal. Even for me.

Cue-in canned laughter… any minute now…

In these shoes?... I don't think so.

I asked two close friends what exactly I was sad about and they said that it was the rejection....

Rejection is always a bitch specially if you when you opened up yourself to it.
I thought K would be different so I actually allowed myself to fall head over heels - not with him per se but with my imaginations of us.

And now that reality has struck my warm and cosy bubble, I found myself exposed, flat on my face with heels high up in the air.

So here I am, trying to pick up the pieces and dusting myself after my fall. I’ve done this before, so it should be a cinch. The lesson is to avoid wearing too high a heel.
The fall, although it will still hurt, will be much less unglam.

I’m putting my trainers on for now….

Haba Ng Long Hair

That was me last night...

I met up with K and his friends last night for drinks. K was busy with his friends and most of my friends were partying in Bangkok so I was a little orphan Andy playing with my lonesome self at the bar. K would check on me often and some of his friends would chat me up, obviously wanting to see K’s new manfriend up close. I was actually fine, not really wanting to party hard last night.

I also knew K and I would be going home separately because my flatmate was in town and his parents just got back from their US trip. So I was just happy to chit chat with K and his friends… most of the time. Whenever I’d get bored, I’d huff and puff, tuck my tummy in and take a scenic walk around the place - nod at a familiar face or two, say hello to some friends that were drinking, get pinched by guys I don’t know, get pulled into a huddle by strangers wanting to introduce themselves or their friends, get offered a new drink, basically… the usual routine. For some reason, my tresses had extra long extensions last night! All these random introductions happen while K was a few feet away. Then I’d notice he would instantly appear by my side, hand reaching for mine or slinking around my waist. He’d ask who I was just talking to or if I bought another drink and I’d just shrug my shoulders and smile coyly as a response. This happened several times last night. By the end, K joked that he was getting jealous. He probably thought I cannot be trusted to be by myself and almost never left my side then. I was not complaining. At around 3AM he said he wanted to leave…and spend the night over at my place.

Ay, nagselos yata talaga.

I swear, I had nothing to do with this. I wasn’t even wearing a baby T!

But it’s kinda funny that K only reacted this way when he saw the response I was getting from other boys… it’s also kinda sad….

So, for now, let him get jealous all he wants…. Magdusa muna siya.

In D-nial

D and I sat beside each other at the newly opened Establishment. We just got introduced that night so I knew we’ll just be making polite small talk most of the night until we get distracted by other shiny sparkly people standing and posing around us.

At first, he excused himself for being anti-social while he answered a few sms’s. So I chatted and caught up with another friend. D eventually finished his thumb exercises and joined into the conversation. I soon found myself enjoying D’s company and I noticed he was becoming quite attentive to me. He casually asked for my number and I gave it to him without thinking much about it. Then there were the slight touch of the bicep, tapping the thighs when I say something funny, the quick glance now and then, the knowing smiles… All of which I tried very hard to ignore while I kept telling myself to behave… it’s nothing, he’s just a nice guy…..Because, yes, I’m still dating K..

D and a bunch of other friends are flying to Bangkok for a party next weekend and they’ve asked me to join them. D kept on saying I should fly in as well. He told me who was going on the trip and I jokingly said, “Good! No one I’ve slept with.”

To which he quickly responded, “…Yet”

I laughed at this while my mind was thinking, “Hmmmmmm....”

D and I left soon after. Separately, oy. Me with my other friends while D said he was going home. And I thought that was the end of the harmless flirtation for our party of two.

But now I’m back in Singapore and D has been sms’ing and trying to convince me to pop in BKK. When I finally said I really can’t go, he said he’ll just fly in Singapore soon.


Uh-oh… what have I done?

I, LLogical

It was a pleasant surprise to find out that T, from a previous post, also goes to the same crappy gym that I go to. We’ve been playing the “I look - you look” game in the gym in our very unglam states of sweat. He normally arrives before I do so he leaves well ahead even before I’m done.

But on this particular Monday, we arrived almost at the same time. So we ended up changing in the lockers when we finished our workouts. Well, I knew he was looking and I did not make it subtle anymore that I knew he was looking at me.

We had a very uncomfortable conversation in the lockers that went like this:

T: going off soon?

Me: Yeah.. you?

T: Yeah… you stay around here?

Me: Yup. You?

T: Yeah, around here too. Did you drive here?

Me: Nah, I just walked.

T: Come, I’ll drop you off.

Me: But I’m just across the road…

T: silence

Me: silence

T: silence

Me: Ok, I’ll make a move…

T: Ok, See you…

While crossing that road from the gym to my apartment, I was banging on my head and thinking… “He was picking you up, you idiot!!!”

Oh well. Logic sometimes suck. Another missed opportuni-T yet again….

Male Curiosity

The people from the absorbed company moved into the office last week. Good news to me because this offers new eye candy in my otherwise dreary work environment. One particular eye candy is trying to catch my eye. The signs are clear: the shy glances, the nods of acknowledgement, the semi-smile along the hallways, the way he looks at me in the smoking area.

Just the other day, as I was walking back from a ciggy break towards the glass doors, I saw from the reflection that he was checking my backside. So I strutted like a peacock.

He seems to be getting bolder now. He asked to borrow my lighter and grazed his fingers with mine when I handed the lighter over. And he was staring. I checked.

“and there’s not a thing that I can do…”

I, the Overthinker

So K and I made plans to watch a movie this week. Since we're not exactly in sync with our schedules, several sms's were flying to and fro about the day, movie time, and which movie to watch, etc..

Since I have a lazy thumb and my fingertips are too big for my phone keypad for sms-ing, I gave him a call to confirm details so he can book the tickets. There are three movies out this week, to all of which we were both lukewarm but feel that we should watch since everyone and their uncles seem to be watching.

So while discussing what our preferences were, he blurted out, "well, we can always watch Angels & Demons next week..."

AHA! He was making future plans!! K is planning another movie night, eh...

My usual response to future date plans is a flaky "We'll see.."

This time, I said, "Yeah, we can do that."

He's assuming, I'm kinikilig.

'nakngtokwa naman o.


*********
Epilogyu: K booked the loveseat for the movie. Score!

I, Natural

Never the mind that he stops responding when my sms borders on fliratious. Never the mind that he seems to ignore me most of the day. Never the mind that I suspect he’s not interested in me……. I did it. I finally mustered enough courage to ask K out for dinner. And also because I mentioned dinner the first time we met... (uy, disclaimer!!)

Dinner was at Epicurious along Robertson Quay. Backdropped by the colorful Pacita Abad bridge, we chatted, laughed, batted our imaginary eyelashes and enjoyed our food. A bottle of wine helped loosen up the tension and calm my nerves…

We had a cup of chocolate drink after dinner and by then our conversation was already playful and..well… loaded with double entendre’s…

Before the end of the date, we took a stroll along the river towards my apartment… I found myself slowing the pace so I can spend more time with K. I wasn’t sure if I should ask him up… Not that I didn’t want to but I think I like this one….a lot.

I booked the second date before we said goodbye….

So here I am in the office walking around with a goofy grin and a song in my head that goes… “coz hyouuuu make me feeeeeel! Hyouuuu make me feeeeel!...."

And since I’m not out in the office, I can’t sing it out loud, right? Well, I whistled it. Talk about stupid…. But.I.Don’t.Care. Coz hyouuuu make me feel like a natural hwoman...

Wan, little too, little tree....

little chindian…

Wan minute he’s flirting with me, the next, he’s talking about his boyfriend. So what was I supposed to do?

Playtime.

When he starts flirting with me, I change the subject or just laugh. When he starts talking about his bf, I lend a sympathetic ear. When it’s time to say good night, I snog him and leave in a flash.

Ayan, maloka ka!

Oh, and he’s actually not so little…. Ay, overshare.

LOTR Series: My Prheshuss..

So Mr. Frodo is back in Singapore. He messaged me before he left Norway and the minute he landed… Masyadong excited.

We’ve met up a couple of times since and been sending each other messages off and on. Things have gotten a slightly more than casual, I’ve noticed.

I don’t know whether this will end up like an epic or just a short documentary. But knowing me, it will be quite well animated.

Excuse me, please raise your feet. You’re stepping on my long hair. Abot diyan. I swear.

Water water everywhere

... but not a drop to drink!

Apparently, we're experiencing a dry spell these days. So if I'm not blogging at the moment, please understand that I'm busy hoarding drinking water...

Maybe someday, my mail will get washed in with the tides.

O siya siya... mag-iigib pa ako ng tubig sa poso doon sa kabilang kanto....hot pink balde in hand... Toodles!

24601

"I have a boyfriend so don't get attached", Chindian Boy said while we were cuddling.

If he could read my mind he would have been bombarded with the questions:
Excuse me...
Who initiates these "catch-ups"?
Who drives over to pick me up for drinks?
Who asks me out for dinners/movies/"nightcaps"?
Who keeps hitting me up in MSN?
Who shows up at places where I said I'll be at with other friends?
Who? Who? Who?

But instead I chuckled and kissed his nape.

Sweetie, you don't know who you're dealing with....

I Haych You

I ignore guys I like. Very high-schoolish, i know. But I do. One of them is H. I've been ignoring him for 10 years now. H used to work in the same company I joined in Manila way when we were fresh out of school. I found him cute then and I still find him cute now. And now, he's also in Singapore.

Our path's cross often enough because of common people we know... So I've no choice but to acknowledge that I know him because he certainly knows of me according to people we both know. Kilig. Shet. High.School.

I've bumped into him thrice recently.... First time was just a hi-hello at a bar. Second was when he called me out when he saw me in Raffles Place. Third was at the Happy "reunion" party last Saturday where we actually said a line or two to each other.

I wonder when I'll bump into him again...And could I, would I, should I let things play out?

Devil's Brew

Do not screw the guy that makes your morning coffee....

I have a morning ritual when I go to the new office building. I go to the coffeeshop,order coffee- 2 sugars no milk, and have a puff.

Lately, it now includes avoiding eye contact with the hunky coffeeshop supervisor...

No, I did not mess around with him. But his overtly flirtatious ways and the fact that he sought me out in facebook are pretty clear indications (no, I did not confirm his invite...) of his intentions.

How.Very.Dare.He.

Now, if we met in a bar.... Maybe I'll just be drunk enough to flirt back. But I don't get drunk with coffee- 2 sugars, no milk.... Or else I'll have to settle for the office coffee machine in the mornings. I can stare at that all day.

Playbook 101

Laksa is yummy but it doesn’t seem to agree with me. I’m at home now trying to calm my stomach while cursing myself for having Laksa as my first meal of the day. It’s not my typical Sunday lunch fare but the events that led me to Katong Laksa for my lunch was. It all started last night when I first noticed G saying hello to a friend of mine. G looks like a shorter version of Dennis Trillo. Google the name and you'll see why my interest was piqued. When his eyes focused on me, I put my game in play....

First Gear: The Eye Contact

Make an obvious double take, hold for 2-3 seconds, start a knowing smile, look down at/swirl drink, look back at subject while still smiling then take a sip of your drink. If he’s still staring, tip your head, raise the glass slightly as if making a toast. Well, go ahead and practice. Never fails.

Second Gear: Disappear

Make an excuse to go elsewhere in the bar. Either go to the loo, or have a ciggy, or plant yourself somewhere else to greet other friends. Oh yes, it pays to know other hi-hello people. Wait awhile then head back to where you were before. If he is paying attention, he would have made mental notes on where to find you later if you disappear again. Keep smiling.

Third Gear: Socialize

Talk to other people without looking too cozy. Have a chuckle. Make jokes. Flash your friendly smile to other people. This tells him that you’re approachable. Then look at him again, change your smile to a come hither one.

Fourth Gear: Reel In

Move around a bit to close the gap between you and your target. He’ll switch his place in your group so he can be next to you and someone drunk enough. Drunken antics of people are surefire openers…. He’ll definitely make a comment to strike up a conversation with you…

The rest is up to you.

G was a standard play. Youngish. Eager. Happy to get attention from someone he fancies.

He lives in the east where the popular Katong Laksa is. Hence, the mild tummy ache this afternoon.

Happy SAD!

While saying hello's, howarya's and Happy Valentine's Day left right and center at the usual crowded joints of DYMK and later Taboo, an inspired friend of mine came up and greeted me "Happy Single Awareness Day!"

How very apt! For singles like me, this day couldn't possibly make me even more aware of my single-ness. And I celebrated it with a bang!

To all the single ladies in the house - Happy SAD!!

Return of the King

... well, not exactly the King... but Frodo Baggins of previous posts is seriously making a comeback to the island to work.

And he told me he wants to take me out for dinners this time.

Bring it on.

There just might be new installments in my LOTR series.... Stories from the Shire :) Stay tuned!

Namaste - Ni Hao

I found myself having drinks with M at Em by the river. Very cute. Half Chinese-half Indian. Seems very smart and well sorted out. He tends to be a wee bit too swishy for my comfort though. But a flash of his gorgeous smile kept me planted on my seat.

The date was actually going smoothly. We were both making jokes, which means we were both nervous, and we would catch each other taking stolen glances, which means we were both attracted. I was letting my mind wander with thoughts like “Geez, he got the best of both gene pools. Lucky bastard! Lucky Me”, and “I wonder which half is Chinese and which is Indian, the mom or the dad? The top or the bottom?”, “I hope he doesn’t smell…” But my thought bubbles burst when he told me he actually just got into a long distance relationship a few days ago.

HUWAT?!?! Obviously in shock, I blurted out “So what are we doing here?!” He tried to rationalize by saying that he knew I wasn’t looking for anything serious and that we can be friends (with benefits). I kept silent while trying to decide to cut my losses or be naughty. After having a few drinks in me, I gave in to my naughty side and amped up the flirting. I see…. So he wants to play on the side… Let’s play… I may be rusty at this but it’s just like riding a bike…

Let the games begin…..

Push the Button

Once upon a cloudy Saturday, five friends decided to meet up at Sentosa Tanjong beach to chill-out, get boozy, and ogle at cuties by the beach. They came armed with a cooler filled with mixers, alcohol and chips. One of them came with his camera. With zoom lens.

The one with camera snapped away at the cute boys without caring if the he was noticed by the subjects or not. Most of the time, he wasn’t.... He would return to his friends after having his paparazzi fill to get his drink refilled and share his picture bounty to the rest of his group.

Little did he know that he will end up meeting one of his photo subjects… at a bar. A bar where he does care who notices…. Most of the time. But this time, he didn’t need his zoom lens to get a better view of the cutie. His subject, smiling directly at him, zoomed in for a close-up…and, at least for that night, they clicked.

They clicked all night, actually. They’re planning a reshoot....

Without a T

...or two

I went to a circuit party in Bangkok for the new year festivities. As most of these kinds of parties go, people end up shirtless at the end of the night. I lost two t's.

Back in Singapore, there’s one guy that smiles at me whenever we bump into each other at the bars. This has been happening for quite some time but I couldn’t do anything more beyond smiling back because I wasn’t single. Back then, I resigned myself to have a little boyish crush that makes me giddy.

But the last time I saw him, he came over and said “hello”. He caught me way off guard and I wouldn’t be surprised if the transcripts showed that I mumbled something stupid like”dimples”, because he has, or “y ‘scare me”, because he did. Sigh…. Anyway, I recovered soon enough to say hello back. Later that night, we exchanged numbers. His name is T.

When I found out that T was also going to Bangkok to attend the same party I was to going to, I made sure I was ready. I huffed and puffed at the gym and ate grass.

So there I was at the party, trying to act cool, hanging out with friends, toothy smile in full glare, tummy sucked in. And there he was, ambling his way towards me and my friends. My palms got instantly sweaty! What the hell is happening?!?! What am I? 14??? I froze. Mumbled some inane stuff. He must have thought I was eight miles high with whatever. All night, whenever he would prop himself by my side, which happened a lot, I just pretended to not notice him or acted like a turd, which also happened a lot.

But before he went home for the evening, he caught me coming out of the toilets and he said goodbye. Then he planted a kiss.

I didn’t see him the rest of my trip to Bangkok, though. Maybe it’s not meant to be. Maybe he didn’t like me so much, Maybe I’m overthinking. Maybe I really like him.

y ‘scare me….